With questions currently being asked regarding the release of documents containing the conversations between Blair and Bush which resulted in the decision to invade Iraq, I’ve managed a bit of a scoop over the MSM.
The following is a genuine transcript of the discussion between those two towering statesmen.
Did I forget to mention that Dr John Reid was standing in the background in Blair’s office, pouring the tea and pondering his future career like the good socialist that he was (and obviously still is)?
Bush: Yo! Blair. We want to invade Iraq. Can we count on your support?
Blair: What’s in it for me?
Bush: What do you want?
Blair: Immunity from prosecution and a Middle East peace envoy role in the future.
Bush: No problem. You got your people on side about this?
Blair: Yes I have.
Bush: You sure?
Blair: Absolutely. They are all career driven types who tore up the moral handbook years ago. They’ll do whatever it takes to bolster their own political profile. It helps, you see, in the British system, to be seen to be a part of a big project. Helps in getting promotion, a Peerage and other honours.
*sound of teacup and teaspoon excitedly chinking in the background, probably as a result of a trembling hand*
Bush: What’s a peerage?
Blair: It’s like a retirement home for redundant politicians. It’s called the Lords, it’s a second political chamber, thoroughly undemocratic but no one cares. They get to be called Lord such and such, they earn expenses money from attending. Most of the Peers (that’s the term for those who receive a peerage George) get a huge boost to their own self esteem. It’s completely medieval but very profitable for those lucky enough to be elevated.
Bush: Well medieval is what we going to do to Saddam’s ass.
Blair: Been watching movies George? (laughs)
Bush: What do you mean.
Blair: Never mind.
Blair: Remind me why we are invading?
Bush: The oil. Then there are spin offs, such as contracts for rebuilding the place after we’ve been in and flattened it.
Blair: Oh yeah, that sounds ok to me. Shall we pray?
Bush: Yes. Will you lead, please?
Blair: Oh Lord in Heaven……….etc etc…Amen.
Fades out to sound of cruise missiles, tank engines and John Reid rubbing his hands with glee at the thought of soon becoming Leader of the House of Commons.